Returning to Something After a Bad Experience
A bad experience can change how you feel about something you previously did without much thought.
A bad experience can change how you feel about something you previously did without much thought.
You might feel nervous about driving after an accident, returning to work after a difficult experience, exercising after an injury, socialising after an embarrassing situation or trying again after something went badly wrong.
Part of you may want to get back to normal.
Another part may be saying:
“What if it happens again?”
That reaction can be understandable. Returning does not have to mean pretending the experience never happened.
Why can going back feel so difficult?
After something goes badly, your mind may become more alert to the possibility of it happening again.
You might:
- think repeatedly about what happened
- imagine the same thing happening again
- notice risks you previously didn’t think about
- feel physically tense or nervous
- question your ability
- avoid reminders of the experience
- keep delaying your return
Sometimes the longer you have been away, the bigger returning can begin to feel.
Give yourself permission to start differently
You do not necessarily have to return in exactly the same way as before.
Think about what would make the first step manageable.
If you have become nervous about driving, for example, you might begin with a short familiar journey rather than immediately attempting a long or difficult one.
If you are returning to an activity after a setback, you might start with a shorter session.
If you have been away from work, your return may involve discussing what support or adjustments are appropriate.
The right approach will depend on what happened and your circumstances.
Separate what happened from what might happen
A difficult experience is evidence that something did happen.
It is not automatically evidence that it will happen again.
Notice when your thoughts move from remembering the past to predicting the future.
You might think:
“Last time went badly, so this time will too.”
Try changing that to:
“Last time was difficult. I’m worried about what might happen this time.”
That does not dismiss the experience. It simply separates what you know from what you fear.
Break the return into smaller steps
You don’t have to prove anything by tackling the hardest situation first.
Think of your return as a series of steps.
Ask yourself:
- What would feel manageable now?
- What might the next step be?
- Is there anything that would make it easier?
- Do I need information, practical support or professional advice first?
The aim is not to rush.
It is to avoid allowing fear alone to decide that you can never return.
Expect some nerves
Feeling nervous when you try again does not necessarily mean you are not ready or that something is going wrong.
You may notice a faster heartbeat, tense muscles, worried thoughts or an urge to stop.
Give yourself time to settle.
Rather than asking:
“Why don’t I feel confident yet?”
try:
“Was I able to manage that step?”
Confidence may follow repeated experiences rather than appearing before them.
Don’t judge everything by one attempt
Your first experience back might feel uncomfortable.
That does not necessarily mean returning was a mistake.
You may simply be doing something that has become unfamiliar or connected with difficult memories.
Think about what you learnt.
Was part of it easier than expected? What was difficult? Is there something you could change next time?
Progress can include learning what support you need.
Sometimes practical safety comes first
Not every fear should simply be pushed through.
If the previous experience involved an injury, unsafe situation, health problem or another genuine risk, you may need appropriate professional advice before returning.
For example, following an injury you may need guidance from a healthcare or rehabilitation professional about what activities are suitable.
Taking sensible precautions is different from allowing every worried thought to stop you.
When returning feels too difficult
Sometimes a bad experience continues to have a significant effect.
If memories of what happened, anxiety or fear are making it very difficult to return to everyday activities, talking to a healthcare or mental-health professional may be helpful.
You do not have to force yourself to “get over it”.
The aim is to find a way forward that is manageable and appropriate for what you have experienced.
5.2: Why Have I Lost My Confidence?
5.3: Building Confidence One Step at a Time
5.4: Coping With Self-Doubt
5.8: Setting Achievable Goals
10.8: Coping After an Accident
12.7: A Road Accident Has Left Me Anxious or Nervous About Driving Again
12.14: I’m Worried About Returning to Work After an Accident or Injury
General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.