Managing Negative Thoughts About Yourself

Most people are critical of themselves sometimes.

But if thoughts such as “I’m not good enough,” “I always get things wrong” or “I’m useless” become frequent, they can affect your confidence, mood and willingness to try things.

Negative thoughts can feel true simply because you have thought them many times.

Learning to notice and question them can help you develop a more balanced view of yourself.

What do negative thoughts about yourself look like?

They can take many forms:

“I’m a failure.”

“Nobody is interested in what I have to say.”

“I can’t do anything properly.”

“Everyone else is better than me.”

“I should be able to cope with this.”

“I always mess things up.”

Sometimes these thoughts appear after a particular event. At other times they may have become an automatic way of responding to mistakes, criticism or difficult situations.

Notice the difference between an event and a judgement

Imagine you make a mistake at work.

The event is:

“I made a mistake.”

But the thought that follows might be:

“I’m terrible at my job.”

Those are not the same thing.

One describes something that happened. The other turns one experience into a judgement about you as a person.

Try separating the two.

Ask yourself:

What actually happened?

Then:

What am I telling myself it means about me?

That small distinction can be useful.

Watch out for absolute thinking

Negative thoughts often contain words such as:

• always
• never
• everyone
• nobody
• completely
• useless
• failure

For example:

“I always get things wrong.”

Is that literally true?

You may have got something wrong today. That does not mean everything you do goes wrong.

Try replacing an absolute statement with something more accurate:

“I got this wrong, and I’m disappointed about it.”

That still acknowledges what happened without turning it into a judgement about your entire ability or worth.

Look for evidence on both sides

When you already feel negatively about yourself, it can be easy to notice information that supports that view.

Try asking:

• What evidence supports this thought?
• Is there evidence that doesn’t support it?
• Am I focusing on one event and ignoring everything else?
• Am I assuming I know what other people think?
• Would I judge somebody else this harshly?

The aim isn’t to replace every negative thought with an unrealistically positive one.

It is to make your thinking more balanced and accurate.

Listen to how you speak to yourself

Imagine saying your thoughts aloud to somebody you care about.

Would you tell them:

“You’re useless because you made a mistake”?

Probably not.

You might say:

“That didn’t go how you wanted, but it doesn’t mean you can’t do it.”

Being less harsh with yourself isn’t making excuses. You can recognise mistakes, take responsibility and learn from them without attacking yourself in the process.

Don’t argue with every thought

You do not need to spend your day analysing everything that enters your mind.

Sometimes simply noticing:

“I’m being very critical of myself again”

is enough to create some distance from the thought.

You can then decide whether it deserves your attention.

Thoughts can appear automatically. You do not have to automatically agree with them.

Keep evidence of what goes right

Negative thinking can make successes surprisingly easy to forget.

Try keeping a short note of things you handled, completed or attempted.

This might include:

• dealing with something difficult
• finishing a task
• asking for help
• trying something you were nervous about
• solving a problem
• supporting somebody
• learning from a mistake

The purpose isn’t to prove that everything is wonderful.

It is to stop difficult moments becoming the only evidence you use when judging yourself.

When negative thoughts are affecting your wellbeing

If negative thoughts about yourself are persistent, affecting your relationships or everyday life, or are connected with ongoing anxiety or low mood, additional support may be helpful.

Talking things through can help you understand where these patterns have come from and develop different ways of responding to them.

You don’t have to believe everything your mind says about you.

5.1: Understanding Self-Confidence

5.4: Coping With Self-Doubt

5.5: Why Do I Compare Myself With Other People?

5.9: Learning to Recognise Your Achievements

3.1: Understanding Low Mood

11.10: Challenging Unhelpful Thoughts

General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.