Coping With Self-Doubt

Most people doubt themselves sometimes.

You might question whether you are good enough, whether you have made the right decision or whether you can cope with something ahead.

A little uncertainty can make us stop and think. But when self-doubt becomes constant, it can make decisions harder, reduce confidence and stop us doing things we are capable of doing.

What does self-doubt sound like?

Self-doubt often appears in the questions we repeatedly ask ourselves:

“What if I get it wrong?”

“What if I’m not good enough?”

“What will people think?”

“What if I’ve made the wrong decision?”

“Maybe somebody else could do this better.”

You might also find yourself replaying conversations, checking decisions or looking to other people for reassurance.

The problem is not having an occasional doubtful thought. It is when those thoughts begin to influence how you see yourself and what you do.

Why do I doubt myself?

There can be many reasons.

Self-doubt may become stronger after:

• criticism or rejection
• making a mistake
• a difficult experience
• starting something unfamiliar
• losing confidence after time away from something
• comparing yourself with other people
• changes in work, relationships or health
• experiencing a setback
• being under prolonged stress

Sometimes self-doubt develops gradually.

If you have spent a long time questioning yourself, it can start to feel automatic.

A thought isn’t necessarily a fact

When self-doubt is strong, thoughts can sound convincing.

“I’m going to fail” can feel very different from “I’m worried that I might fail.”

The second version recognises something important: it is a concern about what might happen, not a prediction of what will happen.

Try noticing the language you use with yourself.

Words such as always, never, everyone, nobody and can’t can sometimes turn uncertainty into certainty.

Ask:

What do I actually know, and what am I predicting?

Look for the evidence you normally overlook

Self-doubt can make you notice evidence that supports your worries while dismissing evidence that doesn’t.

You remember the meeting where you stumbled over your words but forget the many meetings where you contributed successfully.

You remember the mistake but overlook everything you got right.

Try asking yourself:

• Have I dealt with something similar before?
• What went well last time?
• What skills or experience do I already have?
• Am I expecting myself to be perfect?
• What would I say to somebody else in this situation?

This is not about pretending everything will go well. It is about looking at the whole picture.

Be careful with reassurance

Asking someone you trust for another perspective can be useful.

But repeatedly needing other people to confirm that you have made the right choice can sometimes make it harder to trust your own judgement.

Before asking somebody else, try asking yourself:

“What do I think?”

Give yourself an answer before seeking another opinion.

You can still ask for advice, but your own view remains part of the decision.

Allow yourself not to know everything

Confidence does not require certainty.

You can make a reasonable decision without knowing exactly what will happen.

You can try something without knowing whether you will succeed.

You can start something before feeling completely ready.

Sometimes self-doubt becomes easier to manage when the goal changes from:

“I must know I’ll get this right.”

to:

“I can make the best decision I can with what I know now.”

Don’t let doubt make every decision for you

Self-doubt may tell you to wait, avoid, check again or let somebody else decide.

Before doing that, ask:

“If I wasn’t doubting myself quite so much, what would I do?”

The answer may help you separate what you actually want from what uncertainty is encouraging you to avoid.

When self-doubt is affecting everyday life

If self-doubt is making everyday decisions extremely difficult, causing you to avoid important situations or is connected with persistent anxiety or low mood, talking to someone may help.

You can learn to question unhelpful patterns of thinking without needing to eliminate every moment of uncertainty.

The aim is not to never doubt yourself.

It is to stop every doubt automatically becoming a reason to doubt your ability.

5.1: Understanding Self-Confidence

5.2: Why Have I Lost My Confidence?

5.3: Building Confidence One Step at a Time

5.6: Managing Negative Thoughts About Yourself

5.8: Setting Achievable Goals

1.6: Why Does My Mind Keep Thinking the Worst?

11.10: Challenging Unhelpful Thoughts

General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.