Someone I Care About Has Problems With Anger, How Can I Support Them
Caring about somebody does not mean you have to absorb their anger.
Caring about somebody does not mean you have to absorb their anger.
You may want to help a partner, relative or friend who becomes irritable, shouts, loses their temper or later regrets what they have done. You may also be unsure whether you are dealing with difficult emotions, a mental-health problem or behaviour that has become abusive.
Your safety and boundaries matter as much as their need for support.
Talk when the situation is calm
Trying to analyse somebody’s anger at the height of an argument is unlikely to be useful.
When things are settled and you feel safe, describe what you have noticed rather than diagnosing them.
For example: “You’ve seemed much more on edge recently and the arguments are getting worse. I’m worried about you and about what is happening between us.”
Keep the focus on specific behaviour and its impact.
Ask what helps them de-escalate
NICE guidance emphasises recognising triggers and early warning signs and identifying calming approaches that have worked previously.
If the person is willing, discuss this while they are calm.
Perhaps they need space, less conversation for a short period, or an agreed way of pausing a disagreement.
You can support an agreed plan. You cannot guarantee that another adult will use it.
Do not take responsibility for managing their emotions
It is easy to start reorganising your own behaviour around somebody else’s temper: avoiding subjects, changing plans, monitoring their mood or trying never to say the “wrong” thing.
That can gradually make their anger the organising principle of your life.
You can encourage somebody to seek help and communicate respectfully. You cannot make yourself responsible for preventing every outburst.
Know when this is more than an anger-management problem
If somebody threatens, intimidates, controls, assaults or deliberately frightens you, the issue is not simply that they need better calming techniques.
The NHS distinguishes uncontrolled anger that leads to domestic violence or abuse and directs people towards specialist support.
You do not have to stay in a frightening situation in order to prove that you are supportive.
Encourage appropriate help
If the person is struggling to cope with anger, their GP can be a starting point. The NHS notes that counselling or anger-management programmes may be available, depending on the person’s needs and local provision.
Offer practical help if you want to, perhaps helping them prepare what to say or find information.
The decision to engage with support and take responsibility for behaviour remains theirs.
Look after your own wellbeing too
Living around repeated anger can leave you tense, watchful and exhausted even when no argument is happening.
Talk to somebody you trust or seek professional support for yourself if you need it.
Supporting somebody else should not require you to minimise your own fear, stress or mental wellbeing.
Last reviewed
6 September 2026
Important anger and mental health information
This guide provides general information only and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional medical or mental-health advice. Anger is a normal human emotion, but persistent or intense anger can sometimes be linked with stress, difficult experiences, physical health, hormones, mental-health difficulties or other factors.
Feeling angry is not the same as behaving aggressively or abusively. Anger does not make threatening, frightening, controlling or violent behaviour acceptable. If you are worried that your behaviour is hurting or frightening other people, seek appropriate professional support.
If anger is persistent, feels difficult to control, is damaging relationships or work, or is having a significant effect on your wellbeing, speak to your GP, counsellor or another appropriately qualified mental-health professional.
If you or somebody else is in immediate danger or there is a life-threatening emergency, call 999 or go to A&E.