How Do I Know if Somebody Is Struggling?
When someone you care about is struggling, it is natural to want to make things better.
When someone you care about is struggling, it is natural to want to make things better.
The difficulty is that mental-health problems are rarely solved by finding the perfect sentence or giving the right advice. You may not know whether to ask questions, give them space, encourage professional help or simply carry on treating them normally.
You do not need to become their therapist. Often the most useful starting point is much simpler: notice, ask, listen and find out what support actually helps them.
Start with what you have noticed
You do not need a diagnosis before you can show concern.
You might say: “You don’t seem yourself lately and I wanted to check how you’re doing,” or “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter than usual. Is anything going on?”
This keeps the conversation about the person rather than trying to label what is happening to them.
Listen before you try to solve it
When somebody tells you they are anxious, low or overwhelmed, your instinct may be to offer solutions immediately.
Sometimes they need advice. Sometimes they need somebody to hear how difficult things feel.
Ask: “Do you want me to help think about what to do, or would it help just to talk?”
NHS guidance emphasises listening, asking open questions and avoiding pressure. Small acts of support can matter even when you cannot change the underlying problem.
Offer practical help that leaves them in control
Mental-health difficulties can make ordinary tasks feel harder.
You might offer to go for a walk, make a meal, help with shopping, sit with them while they make an appointment or accompany them somewhere if they want you to.
Offer rather than take over. “Would it help if I…?” preserves more independence than deciding what somebody needs without asking.
Keep some of the relationship ordinary
If every conversation becomes “How is your mental health today?”, the person can start to feel defined by what they are going through.
Continue talking about the things you normally share. Watch something, go out, laugh, complain about work or discuss everyday life.
Support can include giving somebody somewhere they do not have to be a patient.
You cannot guarantee that they will feel better
You can care, listen, encourage and help somebody find support.
You cannot control their recovery or remove every difficult feeling.
Recognising that limit is not abandoning them. It helps keep the relationship sustainable and reduces the risk of you becoming responsible for something no friend, partner or family member can fully control.
Know when to suggest more support
If their difficulties are persistent, worsening or interfering with everyday life, encourage them to consider professional help.
You could offer to help them find reliable information, write down what they want to tell a GP or look at talking-therapy options.
Keep the choice with them wherever they are able to make it.
Look after your own wellbeing too
Supporting somebody can affect your sleep, mood and concentration.
Make time for your own relationships and routines. Talk about your own feelings with somebody you trust without unnecessarily sharing the other person’s private information.
Looking after yourself helps you remain a friend, partner or family member rather than allowing support to consume the whole relationship.
Last reviewed
6 September 2026
Important informationThis guide provides general information only and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice. Mental-health difficulties affect people differently. If you are concerned about someone’s mental health or they need professional support, encourage them to speak to a GP or another appropriately qualified healthcare professional.