Caring Is Becoming Overwhelming, What Can I Do?
Caring can become unmanageable without there being one dramatic moment when everything changes.
Caring can become unmanageable without there being one dramatic moment when everything changes.
You may simply notice that you are permanently tired, missing your own appointments, snapping at people, forgetting things, dreading the phone ringing or feeling that there is no part of the week when you are genuinely off duty.
Overwhelm is information. It tells you the current arrangement is demanding more than you can sustainably provide.
Find the pressure point
Do not start with “I can’t cope with any of it.”
Ask what is making this week impossible.
Is it nighttime care? Personal care? Lifting? Behaviour that has changed? Repeated appointments? Being unable to leave the person alone? Work on top of caring? A sibling who never helps?
The answer points towards the type of support needed.
Ask whether the person’s needs have changed
If caring has suddenly become harder, the person may need reassessment.
Contact appropriate health professionals about new medical concerns. Ask Adult Social Care for a needs assessment or review where day-to-day support is no longer sufficient.
A care arrangement that worked six months ago does not have to be treated as permanent when needs have increased.
Ask for a carer’s assessment for yourself
A carer’s assessment is not a test of whether you are a good enough carer.
It looks at how caring affects your health, work, relationships and ability to have a life outside caring. NHS guidance says possible support can include breaks, practical help, training and connection with local services.
Be honest about the difficult day, not only the version of caring you can manage when everything goes well.
Make an emergency plan
Ask what happens if you cannot provide care tomorrow.
Who can be contacted? Who has keys? Where is the medication list? Does anybody else understand the person’s routines, communication or mobility needs?
If the honest answer is “nobody”, that is an important vulnerability to address.
Do not wait for resentment to become the only emotion
People can love somebody and resent what caring has done to their life.
Ignoring that feeling can turn it into anger, withdrawal or guilt. Talk to somebody before you reach the point where every request feels unbearable.
Carers Mind counselling can help you speak freely about emotions that may feel unacceptable elsewhere. The aim is not to persuade you to continue an unsustainable arrangement. It is to help you understand what you need.
Important informationThis guide provides general information and is not intended to provide legal, financial, medical or other professional advice. Individual circumstances can be different. You may wish to check current information from official sources and seek advice from an appropriately qualified professional before making important decisions.