Coping With the Loss of a Pet
Losing a pet can cause deep grief.
Losing a pet can cause deep grief.
A pet may have been part of your family, daily routine and home for many years.
They may have provided companionship, comfort, purpose and a reason to structure your day.
The fact that the loss involves an animal does not make the feelings unimportant.
Why can losing a pet hurt so much?
Your relationship with a pet can be woven into everyday life.
You may notice their absence:
- when you wake up
- at feeding or walking times
- when you come home
- in a favourite chair or part of the house
- during routines that used to involve them
You may also lose regular social contact connected with walking, caring for or talking about your pet.
Why do some people not understand?
Not everybody has the same relationship with animals.
Some people may say things such as “it was only a pet” or suggest getting another one immediately.
Their reaction does not determine the significance of your loss.
You are allowed to grieve a relationship that mattered to you.
What if I had to decide to have my pet put to sleep?
This can bring sadness, doubt and guilt.
You may repeatedly question whether you made the decision too early, too late or for the right reasons.
If the decision was made with veterinary advice, it can help to remind yourself of the information and circumstances you had at the time rather than judging yourself with hindsight.
If doubts are troubling you, you may find it helpful to talk to the veterinary practice about what happened.
What if the death was sudden?
A sudden accident or unexpected death can add shock to grief.
You may repeatedly replay what happened or think about what you could have done differently.
Try to separate what you know from what hindsight makes you wish had been possible.
If memories of the event remain particularly difficult, consider talking to your GP or a counsellor.
Should I get another pet?
There is no correct timetable.
Some people find another animal brings companionship and purpose relatively quickly.
Others need a long period before considering it, and some decide not to have another pet.
A new animal does not replace the one that died.
Make the decision based on what is right for you and the practical responsibility involved, rather than pressure from other people.
How can I remember my pet?
You might:
- keep photographs
- create a small memory box
- plant something
- keep a collar or favourite item
- write down memories
- make a donation or support an animal charity
- talk about them with people who understood the relationship
You do not have to remove their belongings immediately.
Equally, you do not have to keep everything unchanged.
What about the change in routine?
This can be one of the hardest parts.
If you previously walked your dog every morning, for example, losing that routine can affect activity, social contact and the structure of your day.
Consider whether parts of the routine still help you.
You might continue walking, arrange to walk with somebody else or create another reason to get outside.
The aim is not to replace your pet. It is to recognise that the loss may have changed your everyday wellbeing too.
When might support help?
Talk to somebody you trust who understands what the pet meant to you.
If grief is having a significant or persistent effect on your everyday life, you can also speak to your GP or a counsellor.
Pet-bereavement support services may provide somewhere specifically focused on this type of loss.
9.2: There Is No ‘Right’ Way to Grieve
9.4: Why Can Grief Affect You Physically?
8.4: Understanding Loneliness
10.2: When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan
11.11: Building a Daily Routine
General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.