Understanding Grief
Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something important to you.
Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something important to you.
It can affect your emotions, thoughts, body, sleep, relationships and everyday routine. There is no single way that grief is supposed to feel, and people can react very differently to similar losses.
What can grief feel like?
You might experience:
- sadness or crying
- shock or numbness
- anger or irritability
- guilt or regret
- anxiety or uncertainty
- relief, particularly after a long or difficult illness
- difficulty concentrating
- feeling disconnected from other people
You might experience several of these feelings together, or move between them.
Some days may feel manageable and others much harder.
Does grief happen in stages?
You may have heard grief described as a series of stages.
Models of grief can sometimes help people put words around their experience, but they are not a timetable that everybody follows.
You do not have to move neatly from one feeling to another.
Grief can change, return unexpectedly and feel different at different points in your life.
Why can grief affect everyday life?
Loss can change much more than how you feel.
You may also be adjusting to:
- a different daily routine
- practical responsibilities
- financial changes
- an empty home or different family dynamic
- losing somebody you spoke to or relied on
- changes in your own identity or future plans
This can make ordinary tasks feel more difficult for a while.
What can help?
There is no single solution for grief.
Some people find it helpful to:
- talk to somebody they trust
- allow themselves time rather than expecting to feel better quickly
- keep some basic routine around eating, sleeping and everyday activities
- break practical tasks into smaller steps
- spend time with supportive people
- remember the person in a way that feels right to them
- use bereavement or counselling support if they want it
You do not have to talk constantly about what happened. Some people need conversation; others need periods of privacy and ordinary activity.
Can grief come back unexpectedly?
Yes.
A song, photograph, place, smell, conversation or important date can bring feelings back suddenly.
This does not necessarily mean you are going backwards.
Grief can remain connected to memories and important moments even when everyday life has become easier.
When might more support help?
Consider talking to your GP, a counsellor or a bereavement-support service if grief is having a significant or persistent effect on your everyday life, or you feel you need more support than the people around you can provide.
Asking for support does not mean there is a correct way you should be grieving.
It simply gives you somewhere to talk about what you are experiencing.
9.3: Coping After Someone Dies
9.4: Why Can Grief Affect You Physically?
9.5: Grief and Sleep
17.1: Someone Has Died, What Do I Need to Do First?
21.3: What Should I Say to Somebody Who Is Struggling?
General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.