Grief and Sleep
Sleep can change significantly after somebody dies.
Sleep can change significantly after somebody dies.
You might struggle to fall asleep, wake during the night, wake very early or find that your mind becomes particularly active when everything is quiet.
You may also sleep more than usual and still feel tired.
Why can grief affect sleep?
Night-time removes many of the distractions of the day.
Thoughts, memories and worries that were in the background can suddenly feel much louder.
Your routine may also have changed, particularly if you previously shared a bed or home with the person who died, or if caring responsibilities had shaped your sleep for a long time.
Grief can also bring stress and anxiety, which can make settling down more difficult.
Why do I keep thinking about what happened at night?
Your mind may return to conversations, events surrounding the death, things you wish you had said or practical worries about the future.
Trying to force those thoughts away can sometimes make them more noticeable.
Instead, you could keep a notebook nearby and write down a thought or task you want to return to tomorrow.
This is not about solving grief before bed. It is about giving your mind permission to leave some things until daytime.
Should I change my bedtime routine?
A simple, predictable routine may help.
Try:
- keeping broadly regular sleep and waking times
- reducing work, paperwork and difficult administration immediately before bed
- dimming lights and allowing some quieter time
- avoiding repeatedly checking the time
- keeping your bedroom comfortable
- getting up briefly for a quiet activity if you are lying awake becoming increasingly frustrated
You do not need a perfect sleep routine for it to be useful.
What if the bed or bedroom feels different now?
Sleeping alone after losing a partner can be particularly difficult.
There is no correct way to manage this.
You might change where you sleep temporarily, leave a light on, listen to quiet audio or alter the room.
Other people may prefer to keep everything exactly as it was.
Choose what feels manageable for you rather than what you think you are supposed to do.
What about alcohol?
Alcohol can make you feel sleepy initially but can disrupt sleep later in the night.
If you find yourself increasingly using alcohol to switch off or get to sleep, it may be worth looking at other ways of managing the evening and talking to somebody if you need support.
MH360 has separate information about alcohol and mental wellbeing.
What can I do after a bad night?
Try not to treat one poor night as proof that the next will be the same.
Keep the following day manageable.
Get some daylight, eat and drink regularly, and avoid placing unnecessary demands on yourself if you are exhausted.
Return to your normal sleep routine the following evening as far as you reasonably can.
When should I seek more help?
If sleep problems are persistent, significantly affecting your ability to function or causing concern, speak to your GP or another healthcare professional.
You may also find counselling or bereavement support helpful if difficult thoughts and feelings are repeatedly preventing you from resting.
9.3: Coping After Someone Dies
9.4: Why Can Grief Affect You Physically?
4.1: Sleep and Mental Wellbeing
4.2: Why Can’t I Switch My Brain Off at Night?
4.7: What to Do When You Can’t Sleep
23.5: Alcohol and Sleep, Is Drinking Affecting My Sleep?
General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.