Supporting Somebody You Care About
When somebody you care about is having a difficult time, it is natural to want to make things better.
When somebody you care about is having a difficult time, it is natural to want to make things better.
You may not be able to fix the problem, but being present, listening and helping with practical next steps can still matter.
Start by asking rather than assuming
You might notice that somebody is quieter, more anxious, irritable, withdrawn or simply not themselves.
Choose a private moment and ask how they are doing. A simple observation can be enough: ‘You seem to have a lot on your mind lately. How are things?’
Listen before offering solutions
When somebody tells you what is wrong, the instinct can be to immediately tell them what to do.
Often it helps to first understand what they are experiencing. Ask what would be useful: listening, practical help, information or help contacting somebody.
Offer specific practical help
‘Let me know if you need anything’ can be difficult to act on.
Depending on the situation, you might offer to make a call together, go to an appointment, help sort paperwork, bring food or simply arrange to check in again.
Do not take over
Supporting somebody does not mean making every decision for them.
Where they are able to decide for themselves, respect their choices even if you would handle the situation differently. Help them understand options rather than quietly taking control.
Know the limits of your role
You do not have to become somebody’s counsellor, doctor, solicitor, debt adviser or full-time carer.
Some problems need professional or specialist support. You can help somebody find that support without becoming responsible for delivering it yourself.
Look after your own wellbeing
Supporting somebody can affect you too, particularly when the situation lasts for months.
Keep some time for your own relationships, sleep, work and interests. Talk to somebody you trust about how you are coping, while respecting the other person’s privacy.
What if I am becoming their carer?
If your support has become regular and includes practical, personal or emotional care because somebody is ill, disabled or older, you may be a carer.
MH360’s caring section explains carers’ assessments, practical support and looking after yourself.
21.2: How Do I Start a Conversation About Mental Wellbeing?
21.10: Helping Without Taking Over
13.2: When Does Helping Someone Become Caring?
General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.