Understanding Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is about how much you trust yourself and your ability to deal with situations, decisions and challenges.

It does not mean believing you are good at everything. Most people feel confident in some parts of their life and less confident in others.

Confidence can also change. A difficult experience, relationship breakdown, illness, accident, redundancy, criticism or simply a period of stress can affect how you see yourself.

What does self-confidence feel like?

When you feel reasonably confident, you may find it easier to:

make decisions
express your opinions
try something new
speak to other people
deal with mistakes or setbacks
ask questions when you are unsure
recognise what you are good at
accept that you cannot get everything right

Being confident does not mean never feeling nervous or uncertain. You can feel nervous about doing something and still believe you are capable of dealing with it.

Why might my confidence change?

Confidence is influenced by experiences throughout life.

You might notice your confidence becoming lower after:

receiving criticism or rejection
losing a job or changing career
experiencing difficulties at work
an accident, illness or change in your health
the end of a relationship
becoming isolated from other people
experiencing financial difficulties
making a mistake or experiencing a setback
comparing yourself with other people
spending a long time away from something you previously enjoyed or felt capable of doing

Sometimes there is no single reason. Confidence may gradually reduce during a difficult or stressful period.

What happens when confidence becomes low?

Low confidence can sometimes affect what you do.

You might start thinking:

“I probably can’t do it.”

“I’ll get it wrong.”

“Other people are better at this than me.”

Avoiding the situation may bring immediate relief. But if you repeatedly avoid things because you don’t feel confident, you may have fewer opportunities to discover that you actually can manage them.

This can create a cycle:

I don’t feel confident → I avoid it → I don’t get the opportunity to practise → I feel even less confident.

Breaking that cycle does not usually require one enormous leap.

Can confidence be rebuilt?

Yes. Confidence is not something you either have or don’t have.

It can develop through experience.

Start with something manageable rather than trying to transform everything at once.

You could:

choose one small thing you have been avoiding
break a difficult task into smaller steps
notice when you automatically assume you will fail
remind yourself of situations you have managed before
recognise effort and progress, not just perfect results
practise something rather than expecting yourself to be immediately good at it
spend time with people who encourage rather than undermine you

Keeping a simple note of things you have completed or handled can also help. Everyday achievements are easy to overlook.

Confidence is not about being perfect

A confident person can still make mistakes, feel embarrassed, have doubts or need help.

The difference is often being able to think:

“I might not get this completely right, but I can give it a try and deal with what happens.”

Confidence can grow when you give yourself opportunities to experience that.

When low confidence is affecting your wellbeing

Sometimes low confidence becomes connected with anxiety, persistent low mood, isolation or avoiding important parts of everyday life.

If this is happening, talking to someone can help you explore what has affected your confidence and what might help you move forward.

You do not need to wait until things become overwhelming before seeking support.

5.2: Why Have I Lost My Confidence?

5.3: Building Confidence One Step at a Time

5.4: Coping With Self-Doubt

5.6: Managing Negative Thoughts About Yourself

5.8: Setting Achievable Goals

3.9: Feeling Stuck, How to Start Moving Forward

General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.