I’m Struggling to Accept My Sexuality, What Can I Do
You can understand intellectually that there is nothing wrong with your sexuality and still find it difficult to accept personally.
You can understand intellectually that there is nothing wrong with your sexuality and still find it difficult to accept personally.
Messages absorbed from family, faith, culture, workplaces, previous relationships or wider society can remain powerful long after you consciously disagree with them.
Being lesbian, gay, bisexual or another sexuality is not a mental-health problem. The distress can come from shame, fear, rejection, discrimination or negative beliefs that have become directed towards yourself.
Ask whose judgement you are carrying
A thought such as “I shouldn’t feel this way” may sound like your own voice.
Look more closely. Where did you first learn that message? Who benefited from you believing it? Would you apply the same judgement to somebody else?
This is not about blaming one person or community. It is about separating your own values from messages you may have absorbed over many years.
Acceptance does not require public disclosure
You can become more comfortable with yourself without telling everybody.
Coming out may feel positive for some people and difficult or unsafe for others. Mind’s current mental-health guidance is clear that the decision to tell everybody, some people or nobody belongs to the individual.
Do not make self-acceptance conditional on performing openness for other people.
Belonging can help, but you do not have to fit another stereotype
Finding people with similar experiences can reduce isolation.
But LGBTQ+ communities are not one personality, lifestyle or set of beliefs. You do not have to dress, socialise, date, speak or think in a particular way to make your sexuality valid.
If one space does not feel like home, that does not mean there is no place where you can feel understood.
Be careful with the idea that you need to be changed
Mental-health support should not treat your sexual orientation as the problem to be corrected.
If you want counselling, look for an appropriately qualified professional who can help with shame, anxiety, confidence, relationships, discrimination or uncertainty without setting an agenda for what your sexuality should become.
The goal is support for your wellbeing, not changing who you are.
Give acceptance room to be gradual
You may have spent years learning to hide, minimise or criticise part of yourself.
It is reasonable for those patterns to take time to loosen.
Notice smaller changes: being less harsh with yourself, challenging one old assumption, talking honestly with one trusted person if you choose, or allowing yourself not to have every answer.
When shame is affecting everyday life
If difficulty accepting yourself is contributing to persistent anxiety, low mood, isolation, sleep problems or loss of confidence, seek appropriate mental-health support.
NHS guidance recognises that discrimination, rejection, social isolation and difficulty accepting sexual orientation can all be relevant to LGBTQ+ mental wellbeing.
You deserve support for the distress without having your sexuality treated as an illness.
Last reviewed
6 September 2026
General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional mental-health or healthcare advice. Sexuality is not a mental-health problem. If uncertainty, other people’s reactions, discrimination, isolation or difficulties accepting yourself are having a persistent or significant effect on your mental wellbeing, consider speaking to your GP, counsellor or another appropriately qualified mental-health professional. Counselling should support your wellbeing and exploration without trying to change your sexual orientation or predetermine how you identify.