I’m Worried About Someone Else’s Gambling
Shame can make a problem private at exactly the point when support would be useful.
Shame can make a problem private at exactly the point when support would be useful.
You may be frightened that a GP, counsellor, drug worker or gambling service will judge you. Perhaps nobody knows the real amount you drink, what you use, how much money you have lost or what you have done to hide it.
The fear of disclosure can become part of what keeps the problem going.
Shame encourages editing
You may tell a professional about “a few drinks” but leave out the morning drinking. Mention cocaine but not how often. Admit gambling losses but not the borrowing.
That can feel safer in the moment, but it gives the person helping you the wrong problem to assess.
You do not have to tell your story perfectly. Try to tell it accurately.
Specialist guidance recognises stigma as a barrier
NICE specifically says stigma, shame and fear of disclosure can prevent people experiencing gambling-related harms from seeking treatment. Its guidance requires a person-centred, empathic and non-judgemental approach.
Drug-treatment guidance similarly emphasises dignity, respect and involvement in treatment decisions.
Feeling ashamed is therefore not evidence that you are uniquely difficult to help. It is a recognised barrier services should know how to work with.
Begin with the sentence you are most able to say
You do not need a dramatic confession.
Try:
“I’m worried my drinking is getting out of control.”
“I’m using drugs more often than I tell people.”
“I’ve lost more money gambling than my family knows.”
“I’m embarrassed about this and I’m finding it hard to be honest.”
That last sentence can itself help the professional understand why the conversation is difficult.
Separate accountability from self-condemnation
Your behaviour may have consequences that need addressing. Money may need repaying. Trust may need rebuilding. People may have been hurt.
Taking responsibility for those things is different from deciding that you are a bad person who does not deserve help.
Shame tends to make people hide. Accountability can support change.
Ask what is confidential
If confidentiality worries are stopping you speaking, ask the service to explain how confidentiality works and the circumstances in which information may need to be shared.
NICE says gambling services should explain that conversations are generally private and confidential, while also explaining the limited circumstances in which information may need to be shared for safety.
You do not have to wait until the secret becomes impossible to hide
Support is available before a relationship ends, before employment is lost or before every financial option has disappeared.
A GP, local alcohol or drug service, gambling treatment service or appropriate counsellor can be a starting point depending on the problem.
The first goal can simply be to stop carrying the whole situation alone.
Last reviewed
6 September 2026
Important informationThis guide provides general information only and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare, addiction-treatment, gambling-treatment or other specialist advice. Alcohol, drug use, gambling and other repetitive behaviours can affect people in different ways. Appropriate support will depend on individual circumstances.