I’ve Become a Carer, Where Do I Start?
People do not always decide to become a carer. Sometimes it happens in a single afternoon after a stroke, fall or diagnosis. More often it arrives quietly: you start doing the shopping, then medication, appointments, washing, finances and checking that somebody is safe.
People do not always decide to become a carer. Sometimes it happens in a single afternoon after a stroke, fall or diagnosis. More often it arrives quietly: you start doing the shopping, then medication, appointments, washing, finances and checking that somebody is safe.
At some point you realise their day cannot work properly without you.
If that has happened, the first task is not to become an expert in the entire care system. It is to understand what you are already doing, what the person needs, and where responsibility has become too much for one person.
Write down what caring actually involves
For one week, notice the jobs you do because the other person cannot safely or reliably do them alone.
That may include medication, meals, washing, dressing, continence, mobility, transport, appointments, paperwork, supervision, reassurance, nighttime checks or simply being unable to leave them alone.
Emotional supervision counts too. If you spend the evening calming somebody who is confused or anxious, that is part of caring even though it does not appear on a shopping list.
Get the right assessment for the right person
If the person you care for needs help with everyday life, they can ask their local council’s Adult Social Care service for a needs assessment.
You can separately ask for a carer’s assessment for yourself. NHS guidance makes clear that this looks at how caring affects your physical and mental health, work, free time and relationships.
The two assessments answer different questions: what support does the person need, and what support do you need to continue caring without your own life and health disappearing?
Tell your GP that you are a carer
Ask your GP practice to record that you have caring responsibilities.
This can help the practice understand why your own health, appointments or ability to attend at short notice may be affected. If the person has dementia, NHS guidance specifically recommends that carers register themselves as a carer with their GP.
Do not wait until you are exhausted before mentioning the caring role.
Check money and practical support early
Caring can affect earnings and create extra costs.
Check whether you or the person you care for may be entitled to benefits or other statutory support. MH360 Entitled can help you explore possible entitlement, while official benefits information or a benefits adviser can confirm individual eligibility.
Also think practically: who has keys, medication information, emergency contacts and the details needed if you suddenly become ill yourself?
You are allowed to still be a son, daughter, partner or friend
Caring can turn a relationship into a list of tasks.
Try to protect moments when you are not organising tablets, appointments or personal care. Watch something together, talk about family, share a meal or simply sit without solving a problem.
Carers Mind exists because caring can be loving and meaningful while also being tiring, frustrating, lonely and frightening. Counselling can give you somewhere to talk about those feelings without judging the person you care for or your commitment to them.
Important informationThis guide provides general information and is not intended to provide legal, financial, medical or other professional advice. Individual circumstances can be different. You may wish to check current information from official sources and seek advice from an appropriately qualified professional before making important decisions.