Difficult Relationships at Work

A difficult relationship at work can affect much more than the conversations you have with one person.

You might start worrying before meetings, avoiding certain situations, replaying conversations after work or feeling tense whenever an email or message arrives.

Because we can spend a significant part of our lives working, difficult workplace relationships can have a real effect on mental wellbeing.

What can make a workplace relationship difficult?

Problems can develop for many reasons.

You might be experiencing:

• poor communication
• disagreements about how work should be done
• different working styles
• criticism that feels constant or unfair
• feeling ignored or excluded
• a lack of trust
• unclear responsibilities
• competition between colleagues
• tension with a manager
• repeated misunderstandings
• behaviour you find intimidating or upsetting

Sometimes there is one obvious incident.

At other times, lots of smaller interactions gradually make the relationship difficult.

Try to separate the person from the problem

When a relationship becomes strained, it can be easy to think:

“They are the problem.”

But identifying the specific behaviour or situation may make it easier to decide what to do next.

For example:

“They never respect me.”

is difficult to address.

Whereas:

“They regularly interrupt me during meetings and I don’t get the opportunity to finish explaining my work.”

describes something specific.

Ask yourself:

What is actually happening that I would like to change?

Be careful about assumptions

When a relationship is already difficult, neutral behaviour can sometimes begin to feel negative.

An unanswered email becomes:

“They’re deliberately ignoring me.”

A short response becomes:

“They’re angry with me.”

Your interpretation may be correct, but it may not be.

Try separating:

What happened?

from:

What do I think it means?

Where appropriate, clarification can sometimes prevent misunderstandings becoming larger problems.

Could a conversation help?

Some difficulties can be addressed through a calm conversation.

Think about:

• what you want to discuss
• specific examples
• how the situation is affecting the work
• what you would like to happen differently

Try to focus on behaviour and impact rather than attacking somebody’s character.

For example:

“When priorities change without me knowing, I struggle to complete the work on time. Could we agree how changes will be communicated?”

may be easier to discuss than:

“You never tell me anything.”

Not every situation is suitable for an informal conversation, particularly if you feel unsafe or there is a significant imbalance of power.

Keep a clear record if problems continue

If a workplace problem is recurring, keeping a factual record can help you remember what happened.

You might record:

• the date
• what happened
• who was present
• relevant emails or messages
• what you did in response

Try to record facts rather than assumptions about somebody else’s motives.

This can be useful if you later need to explain the situation clearly.

Know when to involve somebody else

Some workplace difficulties cannot be resolved between two people.

Depending on the circumstances, you may need to speak with:

• your manager
• another manager
• HR
• a trade union representative, if applicable
• another appropriate person within your organisation

Your workplace may have policies covering grievances, bullying, harassment or other concerns.

If you are unsure about your employment rights or how a formal workplace process applies to your circumstances, independent employment advice may be appropriate.

Don’t let the disagreement occupy every hour

Difficult workplace relationships can follow you home mentally.

You might replay what somebody said, imagine tomorrow’s conversation or draft responses in your head.

If you notice this happening, try writing down anything that genuinely needs dealing with tomorrow.

Then remind yourself:

“I don’t have to resolve this tonight.”

Doing something that marks the end of your working day can also help create some separation.

Look after your wider wellbeing

Ongoing conflict can affect sleep, confidence, concentration and mood.

Try to maintain the things that help you recover outside work, including rest, relationships, hobbies, physical activity or simply time when you are not thinking about the situation.

Talking to somebody you trust can also help you gain perspective.

The aim is not to spend every conversation analysing the person you are having difficulties with. It is to make sure you are not carrying the situation entirely on your own.

When a difficult relationship is affecting your mental health

If a workplace situation is causing persistent anxiety, low mood, sleep problems or significant distress, additional support may be helpful.

Your employer may provide occupational health, an employee assistance programme or other wellbeing support.

You can also speak with your GP or an appropriate mental-health professional if you are concerned about how the situation is affecting you.

You may not be able to control another person’s behaviour.

But you can identify what is happening, what boundaries or changes you need, and where to seek appropriate support if the situation cannot be resolved informally.

6.1: Work-Related Stress

6.4: Feeling Overwhelmed at Work

6.5: Why Do I Feel Anxious About Work on Sunday Night?

6.7: Managing Workload Pressure

6.11: Supporting a Colleague Who Appears to Be Struggling

8.9: Setting Healthy Personal Boundaries

11.13: Preparing for a Difficult Conversation

19.9: I’m Worried About Speaking to My Employer

19.10: Workplace Conflict Is Affecting My Mental Health

General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.