Supporting a Colleague Who Appears to Be Struggling

Sometimes you notice that somebody at work does not seem like themselves.

Perhaps they have become quieter, more irritable or withdrawn. Their work may have changed, they may seem overwhelmed, or you simply have a feeling that something isn’t right.

You do not need to diagnose what is happening.

Sometimes the most useful thing you can do is notice, ask and listen.

What might I notice?

There is no single sign that somebody is struggling.

You might notice changes such as:

becoming unusually quiet or withdrawn
appearing worried, tense or upset
becoming more irritable
struggling to concentrate
seeming unusually tired
missing deadlines or making more mistakes
working increasingly long hours
avoiding colleagues or meetings
appearing overwhelmed by normal tasks
taking more time away from work
losing enthusiasm for things they previously enjoyed

Any of these could have many explanations.

The important thing may be the change from what is usual for that person, rather than one particular behaviour.

Should I say something?

You might worry about embarrassing them, getting involved in something personal or saying the wrong thing.

You do not need to start a dramatic conversation.

A simple:

“You don’t seem quite yourself lately. How are things?”

may be enough.

If possible, choose somewhere reasonably private and a time when neither of you needs to rush away.

Ask twice if you need to

People often automatically answer:

“I’m fine.”

If you are genuinely concerned, you can gently give them another opportunity.

For example:

“That’s good. I only asked because you’ve seemed under quite a lot of pressure recently. If you do want to talk, I’m happy to listen.”

Then allow them to decide.

You are opening a door, not forcing them through it.

Listen before trying to solve it

If somebody does start talking, you may immediately want to fix the problem.

Sometimes what they need first is simply to be heard.

Try to:

give them your attention
avoid interrupting
acknowledge what they are saying
ask simple questions
avoid immediately comparing it with your own experience

You do not need to have the perfect answer.

“That sounds really difficult” can sometimes be more useful than immediately telling somebody what they should do.

Don’t make assumptions about the cause

If somebody is struggling at work, the cause may not be work.

They could be dealing with:

relationship difficulties
caring responsibilities
financial worries
bereavement
illness
poor sleep
housing problems
family difficulties
something they do not want to discuss

Equally, work itself may be contributing.

Let the person explain what they are comfortable sharing rather than trying to work it out for them.

Think about practical workplace support

If work is part of the problem, there may be practical support available.

Depending on the organisation, this could include:

speaking with a manager
HR support
occupational health
an employee assistance programme
workplace wellbeing services
discussing workload or priorities

If you are their manager, you may also need to consider your organisation’s policies and your responsibilities in relation to the situation.

You do not need to become their counsellor.

Your role may simply be helping them identify the appropriate next conversation.

Respect privacy

If a colleague tells you something personal, treat it sensitively.

Do not share it around the workplace simply because you are concerned.

There may, however, be circumstances where information needs to be shared with an appropriate person, particularly where there is an immediate safety concern or where your professional responsibilities require action.

If you are unsure about your responsibilities, seek appropriate guidance within your organisation without unnecessarily sharing personal details.

Keep appropriate boundaries

Supporting somebody does not mean becoming responsible for their wellbeing.

You can care about a colleague while recognising the limits of what you can provide.

It is reasonable to say:

“I’m happy to listen, but I think it might also help to speak with someone who can give you more support with this.”

You do not have to be available at all hours or solve problems you are not qualified to deal with.

Check in again

A supportive conversation does not have to be a one-off event.

A few days later, you might simply ask:

“How are you getting on?”

Remembering that somebody was having a difficult time can mean a lot.

It also avoids making support feel like one formal conversation that is immediately forgotten.

Look after yourself too

Supporting somebody who is struggling can sometimes affect you, particularly if their situation is difficult or reminds you of your own experiences.

Notice how the conversation has affected you.

You may need to talk things through with an appropriate person yourself while still respecting your colleague’s privacy.

Supporting someone else does not mean ignoring your own wellbeing.

6.1: Work-Related Stress

6.2: How to Recognise Burnout

6.4: Feeling Overwhelmed at Work

6.7: Managing Workload Pressure

21.1: How Do I Know if Somebody Is Struggling?

21.2: How Do I Start a Conversation About Mental Wellbeing?

21.3: What Should I Say to Somebody Who Is Struggling?

21.11: Setting Boundaries When Supporting Somebody

21.12: Looking After Yourself While Supporting Someone Else

General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.