Supporting Someone Experiencing Low Mood

It can be difficult when somebody you care about does not seem like themselves.

Perhaps they have become quieter, stopped doing things they normally enjoy or seem tired and withdrawn.

You might know that they are feeling low, or you may simply have noticed a change.

It is natural to want to help.

You do not need to fix everything or find the perfect thing to say. Sometimes being there, listening and maintaining contact can be valuable in itself.

What might I notice?

Low mood can look different from one person to another.

You might notice that somebody:

seems sad or flat
has less energy
has become quieter
stops seeing people
loses interest in things they normally enjoy
struggles to get motivated
becomes more negative about themselves
appears less confident
sleeps more or less than usual
finds everyday tasks more difficult
stops replying to messages or making plans

These changes do not automatically mean somebody is experiencing low mood or depression.

But if someone seems different from usual, it may be worth checking how they are.

How do I start the conversation?

You do not need to begin with:

“I think there’s something wrong with you.”

A gentler opening can make it easier to talk.

You might say:

“You don’t seem quite yourself recently. How are you doing?”

or:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit quieter lately. Do you want to talk?”

Try to choose a time when neither of you is rushing.

They may not want to talk immediately.

That does not mean you have done anything wrong.

You can simply let them know that you are there if they want to talk later.

Listen without trying to fix everything

When somebody tells you they are struggling, it can be tempting to immediately offer solutions.

“You need to get out more.”

“You should exercise.”

“Why don’t you just…?”

Your intentions may be good, but the person may need to feel heard before they are ready to think about what could help.

Try asking:

“What’s been difficult recently?”

“How long have you been feeling like this?”

“What would be helpful from me?”

Then give them time to answer.

You do not have to fill every silence.

Avoid telling them how they should feel

Comments intended to cheer somebody up can sometimes have the opposite effect.

Try to avoid things such as:

“You’ve got so much to be happy about.”

“Other people have it worse.”

“Just think positively.”

“You need to snap out of it.”

Somebody can have positive things in their life and still feel low.

You do not need to understand exactly why they feel the way they do in order to take them seriously.

Keep inviting them

Someone experiencing low mood may start turning down invitations.

After several refusals, it can be tempting to stop asking.

But continued, low-pressure contact can help somebody know that they have not been forgotten.

You might say:

“I’m going for a coffee on Saturday if you’d like to come. No pressure.”

or:

“I’m taking the dog out later. Fancy coming for a walk?”

If they say no, respect their decision.

You can invite them again another time.

Offer small, practical help

When someone is low, ordinary tasks can sometimes feel harder.

Rather than saying:

“Let me know if you need anything,”

you could offer something specific.

For example:

“I’m going to the shop. Do you need anything?”

“Would you like me to come with you to that appointment?”

“Shall we go through those letters together?”

“Do you want me to make us something to eat?”

Specific offers can be easier to respond to when somebody has little energy or motivation.

Encourage small steps rather than big changes

You may want the person to get back to how they were as quickly as possible.

Try not to overwhelm them with suggestions.

A short walk may be more realistic than joining a gym.

Seeing one friend may feel easier than attending a large social event.

Completing one task may be more achievable than sorting out everything that has accumulated.

Small steps still matter.

When should I encourage professional support?

If the person’s low mood has been continuing for more than two weeks, appears to be getting worse, or is significantly affecting their everyday life, gently encourage them to consider professional support.

You might say:

“You’ve been feeling like this for a while. Have you thought about speaking to your GP?”

You could offer to help them find information, make an appointment or accompany them if that would be useful.

Counselling or talking therapies may also help some people explore what is contributing to their low mood and find ways of moving forward.

Remember that you cannot do everything

Supporting somebody can sometimes become emotionally demanding.

You can listen, stay in contact, offer practical help and encourage appropriate support.

But you are not responsible for making somebody better.

It is reasonable to have boundaries, continue with your own activities and ask other people to help where appropriate.

Looking after your own wellbeing does not mean you care about the other person any less.

3.1 – Understanding Low Mood
3.3 – Low Mood or Depression, What’s the Difference?
3.6 – Small Things to Try When You’re Feeling Low
21.2 – How Do I Start a Conversation About Mental Wellbeing?
21.10 – Helping Without Taking Over
21.12 – Looking After Yourself While Supporting Someone Else

General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.