Supporting Someone Experiencing Low Mood

You can become anxious about somebody else’s mental health even when you are not physically with them.

You check your phone as soon as you wake up. A message goes unanswered and your mind starts imagining why. You find it difficult to enjoy yourself because part of you is wondering whether they are okay.

Concern can gradually become vigilance, and vigilance is exhausting.

Notice how much of your day is organised around checking

You may call repeatedly, watch their online activity, ask other people whether they have heard from them or analyse the tone of every message.

Checking can bring a few minutes of relief. Then another gap appears and the worry starts again.

Ask yourself whether the checking is responding to new information or simply trying to obtain certainty that nobody can provide.

Separate what belongs to you from what belongs to them

You can offer support, encourage professional help and respond to information you genuinely have.

You cannot monitor another adult’s emotional state every hour.

Try writing down: “What can I reasonably do today?” Once you have done those things, notice when anxiety is asking you to keep working on a problem that is not currently yours to solve.

Agreeing contact can sometimes reduce uncertainty

Where it suits the relationship, predictable contact can be easier than constant checking.

That might mean agreeing to speak in the evening, meeting twice a week or asking the person to tell you if they need something specific.

This should not become a surveillance system. The purpose is to make the relationship clearer, not to make you responsible for continuous monitoring.

Your own life is allowed to continue

You may feel guilty going out, switching your phone off for a while, sleeping, working or enjoying yourself.

But another person’s difficult period does not require you to remain emotionally activated every minute.

Keep plans, relationships, exercise, hobbies and ordinary routines where you can. Mind’s guidance for carers specifically recognises the importance of breaks, realistic limits and maintaining your own wellbeing.

Talk to somebody about your side of the experience

You may avoid talking because the other person’s problems feel more important.

Find somewhere you can be honest without unnecessarily sharing their private information.

A trusted person, GP, counsellor or carers’ support service can help you talk about fear, frustration, exhaustion or guilt without making the person you support responsible for reassuring you.

When worry has become your own mental-health problem

If you are persistently unable to sleep, concentrate, relax or manage everyday life because you are worrying about somebody else, your own wellbeing deserves attention.

You do not need to wait until the other person is better before seeking support for yourself.

Last reviewed

6 September 2026

Important informationThis guide provides general information only and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice. Supporting someone else can affect your own mental wellbeing. If you are struggling, consider speaking to your GP, a counsellor or another appropriately qualified professional.