What Should I Say to Somebody Who Is Struggling?
Watching somebody struggle while refusing help can leave you feeling powerless.
Watching somebody struggle while refusing help can leave you feeling powerless.
You may have suggested the GP, counselling, time off work, practical help or simply talking, and been met with silence, irritation or “I’m fine”.
Caring about somebody does not give you control over their decisions. That can be one of the hardest parts of supporting them.
Try to understand what ‘no’ might mean
Refusing help can have many reasons.
They may feel ashamed, frightened of being judged, worried about treatment, convinced nothing will help, exhausted by the thought of explaining themselves or simply not ready.
You do not have to agree with their decision to be curious about what is behind it.
Ask what makes help difficult
Instead of repeating “you need to get help”, try asking:
“What worries you about speaking to somebody?”
“Is there a kind of support you would feel more comfortable with?”
“Would it help if I found the information and you decided what to do with it?”
Understanding the barrier can be more useful than repeating the solution.
Do not turn every interaction into a campaign
If every phone call becomes an attempt to persuade them into treatment, they may begin avoiding you as well as the help.
Keep the relationship alive outside the problem.
Invite them for coffee. Send the ordinary message. Talk about shared interests. Let them know support is available without making acceptance of help a condition of your relationship.
Offer choices rather than taking over
You might offer to sit with them while they call the GP, help write down what they want to say, look at counselling options or accompany them to an appointment.
But doing everything for them can unintentionally reinforce the idea that they cannot manage.
Support the next step without automatically becoming responsible for every step after it.
Accept the limits of what you can do
Mind’s guidance for people supporting someone with depression recognises that there are limits to what another person can do when help is refused.
You can remain patient, offer emotional support and remind them where help is available.
You cannot force another adult to engage with treatment simply because you believe it would help.
Do not neglect yourself while you wait for them to change
It is easy to put your own life on hold: keeping your phone nearby, cancelling plans or constantly checking whether they are okay.
Notice what supporting them is costing you.
You may need boundaries, support from other people and time when you are not monitoring the situation. Their decision not to seek help does not require you to become permanently on call.
Last reviewed
6 September 2026
Important informationThis guide provides general information only and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice. Mental-health difficulties affect people differently. If you are concerned about someone’s mental health or they need professional support, encourage them to speak to a GP or another appropriately qualified healthcare professional.