How to Support Somebody Experiencing Stress

It can be difficult watching somebody you care about struggle with stress.

You may notice that they seem overwhelmed, irritable, exhausted or unusually quiet. Perhaps they have told you that they are struggling, or you have simply noticed that they do not seem like themselves.

You might want to help but worry about saying the wrong thing.

You do not need to have all the answers.

Sometimes simply noticing, listening and offering practical support can make a difference.

How can I tell if somebody might be stressed?

People respond to stress in different ways.

You might notice that somebody:

• seems more irritable than usual
• looks tired or says they are sleeping badly
• struggles to concentrate
• appears constantly busy or rushed
• talks repeatedly about the same problems
• becomes quieter or more withdrawn
• stops doing things they normally enjoy
• seems overwhelmed by relatively small problems
• says they cannot switch off
• starts avoiding things they need to deal with

These changes do not necessarily mean somebody is experiencing stress.

But if someone seems different from usual, it may be worth checking in with them.

How do I start the conversation?

You do not need a perfect opening.

Keep it simple.

You might say:

“You seem to have a lot going on at the moment. How are you doing?”

or:

“I’ve noticed you don’t seem quite yourself. Do you want to talk about anything?”

Choose a time when you are both able to talk without feeling rushed.

If they do not want to talk, try not to force the conversation.

Letting them know you are available can still be helpful.

Listen before trying to solve the problem

When somebody tells us about a problem, our natural reaction can be to start suggesting solutions.

But that may not be what they need.

Try listening first.

Give them time to explain what is happening without interrupting or immediately telling them what you think they should do.

You could ask:

“What’s putting you under the most pressure?”

“What’s feeling hardest at the moment?”

“Would it help to talk it through?”

Sometimes being able to say everything out loud can help someone begin to organise what is happening.

Ask what would actually help

Do not assume you know what the person needs.

Ask them.

You might say:

“Is there anything I could do that would make things a little easier?”

They may want emotional support.

Or they may need something practical.

You might be able to:

• help with a particular task
• make a telephone call with them
• help them organise paperwork
• collect something
• look after the children for a short time
• go for a walk with them
• help them work out what needs doing first

Small practical help can sometimes remove one source of pressure from an already overloaded day.

What might be unhelpful to say?

Try to avoid dismissing what the person is experiencing.

Comments such as:

“Everyone gets stressed.”

“Just stop worrying about it.”

“You’ve got nothing to be stressed about.”

“Other people have it worse.”

may be intended to reassure them but can leave somebody feeling that their experience is not being taken seriously.

You do not have to agree that every problem is as serious as they believe it is.

You can simply acknowledge that it feels difficult for them at the moment.

Help them break things down

If somebody is overwhelmed by several problems, it may help to separate them.

You could ask:

“What needs dealing with first?”

or:

“Is there one thing we could make easier today?”

Avoid taking control or making decisions for them.

The aim is to help the person regain a sense that things can be approached one step at a time.

Encourage support without putting pressure on them

If stress has been continuing or is having a significant effect on somebody’s everyday life, you might gently encourage them to seek additional support.

That could mean speaking to their GP or another healthcare professional.

Counselling or talking therapies may also help some people explore what is contributing to their stress and develop ways of managing it.

You could offer to help them find information or simply be there while they take the first step.

Remember your own boundaries

Supporting somebody does not mean becoming responsible for solving everything.

You can care about someone while still recognising what you can and cannot do.

It is reasonable to:

• say when you are unavailable
• encourage other sources of support
• share practical responsibilities with others
• take time for yourself
• recognise when a problem needs professional help

If you are regularly supporting somebody who is struggling, your own wellbeing matters too.

Being supportive does not require you to carry everything for them.

2.3 – Why Do I Feel Overwhelmed?
2.4 – What Can I Do When Everything Feels Too Much?
2.10 – Creating a Simple Stress Action Plan
21.2 – How Do I Start a Conversation About Mental Wellbeing?
21.10 – Helping Without Taking Over
21.11 – Setting Boundaries When Supporting Somebody

General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.