How to Ask Somebody for Help
Asking for help can feel uncomfortable, especially if you are used to managing things yourself.
Asking for help can feel uncomfortable, especially if you are used to managing things yourself.
You do not need to wait until you are unable to cope. Asking earlier can make a problem easier to deal with.
Work out what kind of help you need
‘I need help’ can mean many things.
Do you need somebody to listen, practical assistance, information, professional advice, company at an appointment or help making a decision?
Choose the right person for the problem
A friend may be ideal for emotional support but not for legal or financial advice.
Match the request to the person or service: GP, counsellor, employer, council, debt adviser, solicitor, family member or community service depending on the issue.
Make the request specific
People often want to help but do not know what would be useful.
‘Could you sit with Dad for two hours on Thursday?’ or ‘Could you help me open these letters?’ is easier to respond to than ‘I can’t cope with anything.’
Say what is happening without needing a perfect explanation
You can start simply: ‘I’ve been finding things difficult and I think I need some help.’
You do not have to justify every feeling before you are allowed to ask.
What if they say no?
A person may care about you but be unable to provide the particular help you need.
A no from one person is not evidence that you should not have asked. Consider somebody else or a more appropriate service.
If you are embarrassed
Remember that many practical problems are common: debt, caring pressure, relationship difficulties, low mood, work stress and confusing paperwork.
Professionals and advice services deal with these situations every day.
Take the smallest first step
If making a call feels too difficult, write down what you want to say first or ask somebody to sit with you.
If the problem is complex, your first request can simply be for help working out where to start.
22.12: How Do I Prepare Before Asking Someone for Help?
22.13: I’m Embarrassed to Ask for Help
8.8: Supporting Somebody You Care About
General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.