Why Am I Worrying About Things I Can’t Control?

Do you spend time worrying about things you have little or no control over?

You might be waiting for test results, worrying about someone you care about, waiting for a decision, concerned about the future or wondering what somebody else is going to do.

Your mind may keep returning to the same problem, even though there is nothing you can do to change the situation right now.

WHY DO I WORRY ABOUT THINGS I CAN’T CHANGE?

Worry can sometimes feel like doing something.

Your mind keeps looking at the problem, searching for an answer or trying to predict what will happen next.

You might think:

“What if something goes wrong?”

“What if they say no?”

“What if things don’t get better?”

“What am I going to do if that happens?”

The difficulty is that some questions simply can’t be answered yet.

Thinking about them repeatedly doesn’t necessarily give you any more control.

WHAT CAN I CONTROL?

Try separating the situation into two parts:

Things I can influence

and

Things I can’t control.

For example, you might not be able to control the outcome of a job interview.

But you can prepare, arrive on time and answer the questions as well as you can.

You can’t control how quickly somebody responds to you.

But you can make sure you’ve provided the information they need.

You can’t know exactly what will happen in the future.

But you can decide what you are going to do today.

ASK YOURSELF ONE QUESTION

When you notice yourself repeatedly worrying, ask:

“Is there something useful I can do about this right now?”

If the answer is yes, identify one small action.

Write the email. Make the call. Find the information. Ask the question. Make a plan.

If the answer is no, recognise that continuing to think about it may not change the outcome.

That doesn’t mean the situation isn’t important.

It means you’ve reached the point where thinking about it more isn’t helping you solve it.

WHAT IF I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT?

Trying to tell yourself “just stop worrying” rarely helps.

Instead, try moving your attention.

You could:

• write the worry down
• remind yourself that you have done what you can
• focus on something that needs your attention now
• go for a walk or do something active
• speak to somebody you trust
• set aside a short period later to think about your worries

Some people find having a specific “worry time” useful. If the worry returns during the day, make a note of it and come back to it at the time you’ve chosen.

FOCUS ON TODAY

Uncertainty can make us want answers immediately.

Sometimes those answers aren’t available.

When that happens, try bringing the question back from:

“What is going to happen?”

to:

“What can I do today?”

You don’t need to solve every possible future problem at once.

WHEN SHOULD I ASK FOR MORE HELP?

Consider speaking to your GP or another appropriate healthcare professional if worrying about things outside your control is taking up a lot of your time, is difficult to manage or is affecting your sleep, work, relationships or everyday life.

Why does my mind keep thinking the worst?
Managing racing thoughts
Managing things you can’t control
Breaking problems into manageable steps

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK TO SOMEONE?

Sometimes it can help to talk things through.

General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.