How to Support Someone Who Is Feeling Anxious

When somebody you care about is feeling anxious, it can be difficult to know what to say or do.

You may want to make things better but worry about saying the wrong thing.

You don’t need to have all the answers.

Sometimes being there, listening and helping somebody feel less alone can be valuable in itself.

HOW DO I HELP SOMEONE WITH ANXIETY?

Start by listening.

Give them time to explain how they’re feeling without immediately trying to solve the problem.

You could ask:

“Do you want to talk about what’s worrying you?”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Would it help if I stayed with you for a while?”

Try to let them tell you what they need rather than assuming you already know.

WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO SOMEONE WHO IS ANXIOUS?

Keep it simple.

You might say:

“I’m here if you want to talk.”

“That sounds difficult.”

“What would be helpful right now?”

“We don’t have to solve everything at once.”

You don’t need a perfect response.

Listening calmly can sometimes be more useful than giving lots of advice.

WHAT SHOULD I AVOID SAYING?

Try to avoid dismissing how the person feels.

Comments such as:

“Just stop worrying.”

“There’s nothing to be anxious about.”

“You’re overthinking it.”

may be intended to reassure, but can make someone feel that their experience isn’t being understood.

Something may not seem worrying to you but still feel very real to them.

SHOULD I REASSURE THEM?

Reassurance can help, but be careful not to become trapped in repeatedly answering the same worry.

If somebody continually asks:

“Are you sure everything will be OK?”

you may find yourself giving the same reassurance again and again.

Instead, you could gently help them focus on what they know, what they can control and what might help them right now.

CAN I HELP THEM CALM DOWN?

Ask first.

Some people may find it useful to:

• sit somewhere quieter
• slow their breathing
• go for a short walk
• use a grounding technique
• have a drink of water
• talk through what’s worrying them
• focus on one small next step

Other people may simply want you to stay with them.

Let them guide you where possible.

SHOULD I ENCOURAGE THEM TO GET HELP?

If anxiety is happening regularly, becoming difficult to manage or affecting their everyday life, you could gently encourage them to speak to their GP or another appropriate healthcare professional.

Rather than saying “You need help,” you might try:

“Have you thought about talking to someone about how you’ve been feeling?”

You could also offer practical support, such as helping them find information or being with them while they make an appointment.

REMEMBER YOUR OWN BOUNDARIES

Supporting somebody doesn’t mean becoming responsible for managing their anxiety.

You can care about someone while recognising that you cannot solve everything for them.

Make time for your own wellbeing and ask for support yourself if you need it.

Understanding anxiety
How to calm yourself when you’re feeling anxious
Grounding techniques, what are they and how can they help?

WOULD THEY LIKE TO TALK TO SOMEONE?

Sometimes it can help to talk things through.

General information only. This is not a diagnosis or a substitute for professional healthcare advice.