Help Me Ask
Someone you care about has shared this with you.
They’re caring for or living with someone with dementia.
They haven’t sent you here because they expect you to have the answers.
They may simply be finding it difficult to tell you that they could use a little help.
Helping People and Organisations Thrive
Caring for someone with dementia can gradually take over more of everyday life.
It rarely changes everything in a single day. Instead, someone may find themselves doing more as the person they love becomes increasingly reliant on them.
Appointments. Meals. Medication. Shopping. Driving. Staying safe. Personal care. Getting up during the night.
At the same time, their own freedom can begin to depend on somebody else being available.
A dental appointment might need arranging around care. Seeing a friend can require planning. Going shopping alone or simply having an hour away may no longer be straightforward.
of dementia carers in recent research said they hide how they feel from friends and family
Sometimes the people closest to somebody simply don’t realise how much they’re carrying. Source: recent research amongst people caring for someone with dementia.
They don't need you to fix everything.
Often, useful help can be surprisingly ordinary.
An hour to get to an appointment. A chance to see a friend. Picking something up from the shops. Helping with something that’s been sitting on the to-do list.
Or simply spending some time together and asking how they are.
You don’t need to decide what they need.
Ask them.
Why didn't they just ask me?
Because asking isn’t always easy.
They might worry you’ll think they can’t cope. They may feel guilty about wanting time away from someone they love. They might not want to sound as though they’re complaining.
Or they may have been managing for so long that asking for help now feels strangely difficult.
That’s why they shared this page.
It lets us do some of the explaining for them.
Articles for Carers Mind
Latest perspectives
said caring had damaged their mental health
had reached breaking point and felt unable to cope
feared the stress of caring was harming their health and wellbeing
Sometimes they might need more than your help.
Friends and family matter enormously.
But grief, guilt, anxiety, anger, exhaustion and the changes taking place within a relationship can sometimes need a different kind of conversation.
Carers Mind provides access to experienced, qualified counsellors registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP).
Counselling is available online or by telephone, allowing someone to remain close enough to be on hand if they’re needed while still having private space of their own to talk.
If the person who shared this page wants professional support, they can find it through Carers Mind.
Asking once can take courage. Asking again might not happen.
Sharing this page may have been their way of starting a conversation they found difficult to start themselves.
You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t need to understand everything about dementia or have the answers to everything that’s happening.
Just get in touch.
Ask how they’re doing. Ask what would genuinely help. And give them the space to answer.
Sometimes a small offer of practical help, some time together or simply knowing that somebody understands can make things feel a little less difficult.
About Mental Health 360
Mental Health 360 is a charity supporting mental health and wellbeing in different communities and at different stages of life.
We’ve created a free Knowledge Library covering many of the issues that may be affecting the person who shared this page with you, including anxiety, stress, low mood, grief, guilt, sleep and isolation.
Understanding what someone may be experiencing can make it easier to have the right conversation and recognise the different kinds of support available.
When we understand the options, finding a way forward can become easier.